Natalie & Andrew Fockel

Episode #95

Andrew and I started dating in the fall of 2003.  I grew up in San Jose, California and he was from Salt Lake City, Utah.  Our worlds changed forever when we met in college at the University of North Texas. From the very first day, I knew he was the one I was going to marry.  Eighteen months later, in the summer of 2005 we celebrated the beginning of a lifetime together.  By the spring of 2008, we decided we were ready to expand our family and start having kids.  We picked out baby names and dreamed every day of the things we’d get to do with our kids.  We were so excited, I am pretty sure we made it known to the whole world that we were about to have kids!  Little did we know, it wasn’t going to be that simple for us…

As time passed, we experienced heart wrenching pain and disappointment month after month.  After a year with no success, we sought the help of a fertility specialist.  We were both tested for everything under the sun.  Andrew’s tests all came back completely normal.  My tests, however, opened our eyes to multiple issues which needed to be addressed:

Andrew and I went through five cycles of IUI’s with Clomid, without any success.  Heartbreak….Devastation…  As months turned into years, we continued to watch as life seemed to pass us by.  New families were starting all around us, and we longed desperately to experience the joy of having a child for ourselves.  After four long, painful years of trying, we were right where we had started, only a lot more exhausted, sad, financially and emotionally drained.  We decided it was time to move to In Vitro Fertilization (IVF).

.….After multiple years of continued treatments, medications and repeated failures to conceive, the Fockle’s completed a successful surrogate pregnancy. 

It was always our intention to keep blogging throughout our surrogacy / pregnancy, and to share the experience that we had long anticipated with those who have been supporting and encouraging us on this journey over the last 10 years.  Unfortunately, due to the way our story turned out, we weren’t able to do that.  It wouldn’t be right or respectful to share all of the details here, but suffice it to say that our experience with surrogacy ended up being much more complicated, emotional and painful than we were prepared for.  There were many months of the pregnancy that were very dark.  We truly felt like God had orchestrated so many details for it to even have been possible for us to pursue surrogacy in the first place.  (We wrote about a lot of that in our post from last February.)  But to be honest, it was really hard at times to understand why He would have led us in that direction, only to have most of the pregnancy become such a painful experience.  We have questions along those lines that we may never have answers to.  But after all that we have been through, we know without a shadow of a doubt that we have a good and loving Father who is for us and has a plan for us even when we can’t see it.

——————–  For more information on their Infertility story – check out their ongoing blog ——————-

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Notes & Quotes:

“Couples struggling with infertility often notice an awkward change in the dynamic of their relationship with existing friends who get pregnant and they remain infertile”

“Our struggle with infertility has increased our appreciation for parenthood as well as increased our empathy for others with chronic health issues”

“Infertility is a lonely journey, heartbreaking for couples seeking to have a child”

Marriage advice for couples dealing with infertility; (1) Be aware we all need to be ‘heard’ – step back and see things from their perspective” (2) counseling is an extremely important component to you marriage when in the middle of infertility.